Angel with me...

I had such great news to share... but for one reason or the other, I couldnt post anything in a very long time.

Its about my Angel. Remember my Angel from an earlier post? She had to stay away from me for about a year because of some circumstances neither of us could control. Then I sent for her to spend the summer holidays with me and, men! I couldnt let the Precious thing go. She's such a wonderful girl. Very smart, witty, funny, brilliant, intelligent (I thought these two meant the same thing, anyway, u get the jist, don't you).

So right now, the Little Angel is with me, it's a bit stressful (especially on our pocket) but its so exhiliarating to have her with me and its a mutual feeling. It means I get to watch her every growing moment... LORD help me to be the best for her, she's worth it.

How're you...?

He asked me "how're you?" to which I replied, "Loved!"

He frowned and asked "loved? by who?" I replied "my Father of course!" He still stood there, with d frown still on his face and I had to explain "I just made d most amazing discovery, even though it was something I knew all along, but it never hit home like it did few days ago. The discovery was that my Father loves me. God in Heaven. He loves me. Much more than His life, which was why He gave His Son's life for mine. If not, I would have been trying to figure out how to pay for the many sins I've been committing since my thirty something years on earth but can u imagine? He got it all sorted out, got my back all covered way before I even came on the scene. His love even reaches out to my future, so that if I happen to fall, He's ever present to catch and restore me. And d'you know d part that really trips me? He sees me through the blood that His Son shed for me, not through my personal achievements, not through d window of my success or failure, but through the Precious Blood of His Precious Son. And as a result He loves me unconditionally! My Father loves me, it amazes me everytime I think about it and today He told me 'walk in d consciousness of My love for you' I will, for real. I am loved, by my Daddy!" The guy just stood there looking at me and shaking his head as I walked away. Hope I left an impression on his mind.

I want the world to know that my Daddy loves me and I'm basking in it. More than this I want to always live in that consciousness, never forgetting the reality of His love for me. In the meantime, while I wait for the man He has fashioned for me, who will be a physical manifestation of His Divine Love for me, I will revel in His love. I want to get so used to His undying love for me and His glorious Presence that when my Gift (that's my man from Him, the one who will love me like my Daddy wants me loved, get?) comes I will easily recognise him cos he will reflect my Dad's love for me.

Know what? my Dad loves me unconditionally. I had the chance of having a shot at d meaning of unconditional love recently and I said, "Daddy, this must be a bit of wat You mean when You say You love me unconditionally!" Tell u about it (m sure u're eager to hear).

There's this guy I love so much. We were friends for quite some time and in d course of the friendship, my heart (which seemed to have a mind of her own back then, she's very much under control now, u bet!) overruled my head and bang! I fell desperately for d guy. Since he wasnt anywhere near feeling that kind of love for me he immediately started pulling off the friendship and ignorant (and foolish) as I was back then, I tried all I could to draw him back to me. My friends called me foolish, cheap, my guardian angels would have beaten me over the head a few times without me even feeling it cos I was investing all I could in the project of regaining the friend I fell in love with who has suddenly disappeared into the body of a guy I couldnt understand anymore. Then one day he did something very wicked to me, very wicked. My girlfriend heard it and called him all sorts of names (trust, I couldnt tell some of my other friends and guardian angels what he did), I was so heartbroken, I cried. So much. But at the end of the crying spree and drenched pillows I searched my heart and I simply couldnt find a trace of hatred for him. Not even an atomic trace! I was shocked!! I still loved the guy, after what he did?! I couldnt understand myself and that was when I made that statement to Daddy.

Inspite of all the wicked, heartless things we do to Him, rejecting His love, neglecting His advances, etc, He still loves us. He still loves us. He still loves us!!!

That love must be the Most Wonderful Thing that could happen to anyone on earth! I wonder how people live without it. It's the very Source and Essence of life. In fact, it is Life itself.

I love Him! so much. And I'm desperate for more of Him. Of His Love!

Been Long!!

Its really been long since I updated my blog! y'all will forgive me please?! wasnt intentional. been quite busy.
a lot has been happening really. i lost the friend i wrote about earlier, he just plain wouldnt call, for reasons best known to him. life goes on, doesnt it? i dont believe in running around after people. i do my best to save friendships but where my best isnt good enough to the other party, i advice myself and move on too. though its always quite painful for me to lose a friend. ive not really had much, and the few are so precious to me so i always try to keep them, understand?
ive been learning a lot too, about who I am and Whose I am. more about purpose, destiny, life etc m still in d process so i cant say much about it now but i know by the time He's through with me, i'll come out as gold.
the world will hear me. i will manifest the glory and majesty of the One Who called me. dats my Divine Mandate and my heart's desire is to do exactly that.
ciao loved ones. till i come next. might or might not be long from now.

ta ta!

Men!

Wats it with men and keeping issues to themselves!

When will they learn that the load will be lighter when they share it?! Ok, maybe not really share all, (a man gats to keep some things to himself, I don't really know why but I give it to them) but at least say things like "I need some time alone, girl, just a few things happening on the job or with the family, etc..." and that saves the person on the other side some pain.

Said I was losing a friend last week. I found out this morning that there was a problem on the job and the friend I thought shares everything with me all of a sudden locks up and locks me out! We've been friends for a very long time and I was of the view that when something of this nature happens he will at least give me a hint, not to plain lock me out! Ok, I'm neither girlfriend nor wife, but I'm friend, and a close one at that so what difference does that make? I had thought not being in that category will make it easier for him to share such a thing with me cos, well, there are no stakes here but...

It turns out that's the 'man thing' taking place.

Are we ever gonna be able to really catch up wit these men and their ways? I guess so, I hope so, God help us. I believe we will, well, as much as possible. We will, for real.

I just want to be a friend to my male friends just as I am to my female friends, being there for them as much as I can.

So help me God!

hmm...

I'm losing a friend and I seem to be helpless about it. Its such a painful thing. No, I'm not losing him to death. He's just moving on. I wish I could stop him, tell him to come back, to stay back with me.

But I can't.

He has his own life to live, dreams to fulfill, decisions made to stick to; so why should I make him stay back.

But I really wish I could. There's such pain in my heart and I miss him. So much. But I cant stop him.

I cant.

Sorry folks, have to stop writing... gotta go somewhere and cry

To you IU

He called me yesterday to tell me he went to my blogsite... "u didnt tell me ure as much a writer as u are a singer" he said. I was like, "yea, I love to write. It's one of the things I love doing most" and he was like "really?! write me a poem then" and I was like "m not really too good at doing poems, just do better writing stuff" and he went (I knew he was going to say that) "write about me". I asked "and post in on my site?" he shouted immediately "no o! m too shy, just do it and send to me!" hm, u dont know me IU. I promised to write about u but didnt promise not to post it on my site so here goes... (I know he will like it, by the time he reads through, no doubt).
This guy just suddenly appeared in my life, ie, not my life-life (ok, I explain better, not my romantic life), but my life (I told u guys I love making friends, and I promised myself never to pass up an opportunity to make friends). He barged into my office demanding, no more like asking, to see my boss (because of an injustice or something) blah blah blah (u know how 'the customer is always right' gets into customers' heads sometimes) and when I asked his name he told me and I was like "cool, ure my brother" that was it. We became friends. He ended up helping me scratch 12 recharge cards for my boss' phone (an activity that would have taken me like ages to finish, get?). We talked about almost everything from whats happening in the country to whats happening in the family to football (did we talk football, IU?) to me to him to everything untill my boss was through with his meeting and IU went in. I believe by the time he got into the boss' office he had forgotten he was angry (sort of) earlier.
IU is a very interesting character (I think all my friends are, yes that's true. I could write volumes about each of them). One day he walked into my office and I asked him "are u a witch?" (maybe I shldav said 'wizard' or 'warlord' right?). He was like "why?" (and the 1 or 2 people in my office were looking at me like I'd suddenly grown horns on my head, like 'u must be in d category to ask someone such a question'). The reason I asked IU that question was that anytime I was thinking about him, just give us 2 or 3 minutes and he will walk into my office (for real if he walks into my office now I will have no reason to doubt that he's a witch or warlord, watever). He's very open, very very inquisitive. He wants to know everything, I think I'm an inquisitive person but not as much as IU. Dont ever make the mistake of thinking loud before him, he will hound you untill he finds out what led to the statement and why you said it and when are you going to explain it to him and ... I think he will do very well as the leader of a paparazzi, somewhere in the backside of nowhere. lol!!!
He's the kind of person you'll be with and forget you had decided to keep certain things to yourself. And he's a very devoted husband and father (my in-law actually, cos I'm eyeing his first daughter for my second son, but I guess the future will tell, right? just kidding). But m-e-n, the guy is a sleepyhead! I invited him to a men-only service in my church, the service was to start at 7am, by 8:30am d Sleepy head sends me a txt "I've been trying to psyche my body to get up from my bed and it refused"! can you imagine this guy?! Anyway, he asked me to forgive him and I did (what is even there to forgive?) and from my kind heart I bought the recorded version of the message for him and the women only version for his sweetheart and they were thrilled (or so I heard).
IU is the kind of person I'll make friends with over and over again; very good, healthy sense of humour (if you can make me laugh, you're my friend for life), that's one thing I love so much in people, their sense of humour cos I love to laugh (they say it's good for the health, makes you live longer right? and reduces wrinkles, is that so?! hmm)
This is to you IU. Thanks for being my friend. You said to write about you, that was why I did this. I just posted it where I wanted it (phbbbt!!!)

My Angel...

Angels...

I believe in Angels. As in, Angels-Angels and Human-Angels. I really do believe Angels exist, both in their celestial and human bodies, cos I have experienced them often.

And also because I have an Angel in my life. A Human-Angel ie. She's 6. Her name is Diamond. Since she came into my life it hasnt been the same. She brought sunshine, laughter, light, boldness, courage along with her when she arrived on that simply, cool, nice morning of 1st November 2000. I took a look at her as the midwife held her that morning and she was crying, flailing her arms and legs as if she was saying "who dared remove me from that wonderfully warm sac I've been in for d past 9 months?! who did that?!" and I burst into tears! "my best friend, my Angel, my Diamond!" I cried. For real, she's an answered prayer.

For her, I'll walk whatever needs to be walked. For my Baby girl Diamond. She's sweet, smart (course with a mother like me she has no choice!), flighty, endearing, wonderful, full of life. You just cant help but notice her, and you just cant help but love her either.

This goes to all of you out there who have Angels like I do - enjoy the gifts of God. They're priceless! And for those who desire these Angels - may the Lord grant you your hearts' desires! You just have to have them.

Know what I do? At the mere sight of an older baby girl I go daydreaming about when Diamond becomes that big. I just cant wait for the day when I'll have to be shooing her away my wardrobe because she'll be there searching for what to wear among my stuff (not because she wouldn't have her's but just because we would be the same size and she wanna save her fancy stuff and wear some of Mama's fancy stuff!). get d drift now?!

It thrills her when I call her my best friend, in fact she's my bestest best friend and I'm really looking forward to the day when we will be doing "girls' talk" ie, talk about guys, fashion, parents, love, whatever, whatever, blah blah blah; giggling together, taking warm bubble baths together, taking trips to the shops, spa, gym, just having fun together.

Can't wait! No, I'll wait. I have to, cos she's worth the wait, I'm sure.

That day will surely come! For me and my Angel...

My Friends...

Yeah, guess I will never be able to stop talking about my friends. Will I? Maybe I will, but I hope not, because I make new friends each day and I love my friends like...

U know, after my last post I got thinking... the subject of friends for me is quite inexhaustible. Who can tell me? What is life like without friends? When I was in that place of 'couldnt make friends' it was crazy, life was sour, bitter; both bitter and sour. There was no one to talk to whenever I needed to, no shoulder to cry on, no one to ask advice from. It was not a sweet experience in any way. Its a life I will never relive in a million years, I simply blanked out of my memory.

But life is fun! Life is good! and life is short. I learnt during the past weekend to live in the now. The past is gone, the future isnt here yet, so make the most of the NOW!

That's what I'm doing folks! Enjoy now... I only have now to enjoy now. If I miss doing it now, it becomes the past and I cant get it back. Give the best to life NOW, give your best to your friends NOW, give your best to your job NOW (even if you dont really enjoy the job, give it your best NOW and you will see doors open to you for what you will really love), give your best to your business NOW (clients and potential clients will contact your love for what you do and you will notice a difference, you bet), give your best in all NOW. Its the least you could do; for yourself, for posterity, for life.

So I've made a decision: make friends, give my best to friends, love them cos I'm a giver, I love to give (I must confess, sometimes I give so much that I get exhausted and start to complain to myself, but I've realised it still doesnt stop me from giving. I just love to give), I'm not necessarily talking about material or financial giving, I mean giving of yourself; loving, being there for those you love, protecting, praying for them, caring for them, just loving like you would love to be loved but not because you want to be loved back, just doing it because you want to do it. Be lovable. It gives me a reason for living, when I remember I have people I love, who expect me to be there for them: my family, my friends, it fills me with anticipation. I'll give you a picture of what I'm talking about:

Just like 7 months ago I got a job in a big company (that's where I am right now!), so many workers! I've never worked in a place this big! I came in and, trust me, I started making friends. My circle of friends so increased that when I remember it's Monday and I'm going to see my friends, I get excited. I'll tell you what excites me. Here, I'm different things to my colleagues - friend to some, counsellor to some, mother to some, sister to some... and by the special grace of God I enjoy playing those roles in their lives. Each day brings me something new to do in my different roles and He enables me to give my best in whatever I am expected to do per time (for real, except for when I'm complaining about "giving so much and getting so little, for how long will this last?!" but well, I dont really do that too often because I just as soon forget I was complaining and start giving again at the slightest opportunity). I'll keep doing it cos I love doing it, even if I do not get back much today. It's not like I dont ever get anything back, I do get back, have to give that to my friends, cos I have friends that love me like... I have a friend that wouldnt let me date her brother because she knew him well and believes he's not the best for me, her words? "Babe you deserve the best and I want the best for you but my brother is not that best", can you beat that?! I actually have friends that have appointed themselves my Guardian Angels. One Guardian-Angel-friend of mine gave me a piece of advice that will surely be handed down my generations till God-knows-when; he said "dont believe everything a guy says: let his action prove his words" (very unusual coming from a guy to a babe, but that's the kind of friends I have). I will make sure my daughter learns this truth and my sons? I will tell them not to just speak empty words to a babe but to back it up with action (how about that?).

I know one day I will get back the way I expect, but that's not what I live for.

Wanna know what I live for?

I live for being the best for my friends and the ones I love.

What do you live for?

Friends...

Friends...

hmm... now that's a word I love very much, 4 real, that's one of my favourite words. I love to make friends and I love to know that I have friends around me and with me always. If not all my friends, at least one of them will always be there for me whenever I needed a friend, I lie not. I love to know that my circle of friends keep increasing cos its one thing I love to do - make friends.

Can you believe that most of the friends I have right now (about 98% of them) came into my life within the past 3 years?! I'll tell you why.

There was a time in my life when I neither could make new friends nor keep in touch with my old friends. Isolation. Islanding. Cos I was in a situation that I just couldnt do it. One day soon, I shall be able to discuss that situation, in fact, its another topic altogether. But I did find myself out of that situation with the help of two very special friends who saw the real me and wouldnt allow me to 'languish' any longer in that sorry situation.

So I'm out. I came out. And make friends I did! No Holds Barred! Guys, girls, old, young. And God has been bringing such great friends into my life that I often wonder what ever came over the person that did that horrible piece: "friends will let you down, friends wont be around when you need them most where are your friends. Friends are hard to find, friends yours and mine..." What??!! Maybe that has been her experience but my friends have been the exact opposite: they've been there for me, never let me down, very easy for me to find, hah! I find friends almost everywhere I go! and if I notice that someone doesnt want to be my friend, I give them space cos I only want to be friends with those who want to be friends with me. Guess that's the way it goes right? The Bible (that's my standard, you know) says if a man must have friends, he has to make himself friendly (paraphrased by me). But its true, how can people become friends with you if you are not friendly? c'est ne pas possible.

And we do need friends in our lives. Without friends I dont know what life would be like. I've often heard people say "I dont have friends, I dont make friends, I dont need friends"! w-o-w! I tell myself, "this one doesnt know what she's missing!" cos I know what I'm gaining through the friends in my life.

Friendship, I however believe, is in levels. I have many friends, yes, but they're in different levels in my life and though I might not have a man in my life right now, I have friends that I remember our closeness and I dont feel lonely (except I just wanna feel lonely, side from that, I never do, because of the kind of friends I have and the levels they're in). When I say levels I mean categories; some are quite close, so close that we can talk about practically everything (I'm blessed to have such a friend! I cant imagine what I cant tell him: good, bad, ugly, exciting, failure, success, the works), some we go real deep but I cant really download my failures to them and some we just laugh and jist and play and... but they're all my friends and I love them all.

Whew! Friends... they're one of the best things God gave to us to make life worth living.

All the best dearies! and I hope you have a swell time loving on your friends and making new ones. I'm enjoying myself here!

Here I am...

This is the first time I'm doing this but I have a feeling its exactly what I've been looking for. A place to share my heart. It's so wonderful.

How I got here?

My friends have been encouraging me to go into writing and I kept putting it off until I met a guy online (Yahoo Messenger, of course), a very nice guy, friendly, smart, handsome (mhm!), the works... He only chatted with me for a few minutes and suggested I go into writing. "oh no, not another one, this time a total stranger is telling me to go into writing! can you imagine?!" I lost touch with the guy (of course, isn't it YM?!) for a long time and just yesterday he resurfaced and while we were chatting he brought up the topic of "...into writing" again. I asked how? and he introduced me to www.blogger.com.

So here I am! I hope I use this opportunity well. I simply love to write, I call myself a 'chatterbox on the keyboard' and that's exactly who I have become, guess its time to see if that's really who I am. Do I believe in Destiny? I do, and I want to believe this is part of fulfilment of destiny for me; say it, hear it, hold it...

For real, from here I would love to tell you how I feel, what I feel, what I know, would like you to know too, hear from you, really hear from you. I think that's the part I would love most; to share your issues. We'll see how we can go about it. I'm sure we will make the most of it.

So talk to me. About whatever I get to publish here, about other things that are of concern to you, whatever. I have a feeling we will enjoy this.

I'd stop here and say a big thank you to my dear friend Krish; thanks a lot for this. My Pastor says God brings people into our lives to help us into our designed destination, I have so many such people in my life right now who have blessed me one way or the other. You, my dear friend, are one of them. Through you, I got here. A MILLION THANKS KRISH!!!

AND A MILLION THANKS TO ALL MY FRIENDS!! You all know yourselves. And to those I'm yet to meet, that I might meet through this door...

I love you all, guys!!